Covet not thy Neighbour's Donut. (Or for that matter, his Religieuse!)

Covet not thy Neighbour’s Donut. (Or for that matter, his Religieuse!) 

Spring has sprung, cherry blossom abounds, the trees are turning green again and as lockdown eases Pedro is meeting people he hasn’t seen for a while. The Shopkeepers, colleagues, friends and family who have not seen Pedro’s human for many months are taken aback by the way he looks. “Oh my word, Pedro,” many exclaim, “your human has lost so much weight!” and Pedro swells with pride.

Pedro is my inner chimp. He can be a tricky character, but I can’t get by without him. I need him and he needs me. We all need our chimp. According to Professor Steve Peters, our chimp is 

“the emotional machine that we all possess. It thinks independently from us and can make decisions. It offers emotional thoughts and feelings that can be very constructive or very destructive; it is not good or bad, it is a Chimp. The Chimp Paradox is that it can be your best friend or your worst enemy, even at the same time.”

If you let your Chimp make all your decisions for you, it can lead to disaster. Pedro will take action based upon his emotions and, in order to avoid disaster, it is essential that Pedro’s human gets to know and understand him in order to manage him effectively. Steve Peter’s book, The Chimp Paradox is well worth a read if you want to know more about you and your Chimp. Getting Pedro on board was the secret to successfully implementing the weight loss plan his human had drawn up.

As Michael Corleone said, “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”. Sometimes you can be your own worst enemy, especially if you lose control of your Chimp.

In his BBC radio show, Alexei Sayle, that great philosopher, social commentator and sometimes alternative comedian (by the way, big fan) once made a striking comparison between capitalism and the all you can eat buffet. Essentially he suggests that capitalism encourages us all to believe “that it is not what we already own that will make us happy, but it will be the very next thing we buy that will tip us over into a profound state of bliss”. He goes on to say that regardless what he is eating, however good it tastes, he’s already craving the next savoury comestible from the stainless steel trough of dreams. Essentially, he’s saying, what I’ve got now is good and I’m more than happy with it, but those pork and prawn dimsums with sweet chilli dipping sauce will bring me delirious delight. And that’s how capitalists and their marketers catch us out. In the same way, it’s not the mobile phone you have now that will change your life, even though it promised to do just that when you bought it, it’s the next one. The next one will bring you the kudos and admiration of all your friends, family and colleagues. And why? Because you’re worth it! 

Combine this urge for the next great, life changing thing - the latest phone, flat screen TV, designer dog, trainers – with the concept of collectability and you have marketing gold. Pokemon (Gotta Catch ‘em All!), Figurine Panini and Beanie Babies are just some examples of how the advertisers aim to “catch ‘em young”. Why do McDonalds put plastic toys in their happy meals? Because by the time a child has collected them all, they’ve set a pattern of behaviour, a habit. The food industry has even made the very stuff we eat collectable. Recently Krispy Kreme Donuts brought out a limited edition glazed donut filled with, wait for it, cookie dough! These guys appeal to your deepest emotions, to your chimp. They don’t want you to buy a box of any old glazed donuts, they suggest you select the dozen “of your dreams” and not only will they ice the words Happy Birthday on the donuts, they promise to actually “deliver a happy birthday” because you’re probably not up to it and so they’ll help you out.

The people who bring you broccoli on the other hand have never, to my knowledge, included a free plastic toy with each purchase of their product. Broccoli, I’m pretty sure, never comes stuffed with cookie dough and is seldom iced with the words happy birthday.  But broccoli is extremely good for you. Scientists have proven it by using science stuff. It doesn’t pretend to fulfil your dreams or to be the star centrepiece of any significant celebrations. It doesn’t claim to be life changing, or to be the envy of all your friends. No one is busy building up a collection of broccoli in an album or glass cabinet (hey Panini! How about a sticker album dedicated to cruciferous vegetables!) But broccoli promises not to give you type2 diabetes, rotten teeth, layers of adipose fat surrounding your internal organs, blocked arteries, high blood pressure and increased risk of stroke, heart disease, cancer and constipation. 

So, this week I have eaten a lot of broccoli. And green beans, cabbage, courgettes and lots of other veggies. I’ve stuck to the plan and lost another three pounds which makes the total to date seventy one pounds. Pedro’s happy. Happy Chimp, Happy Life.